Zombos' Closet of Horror

Merry Christmas! Happy Holiday!

Happy Holiday and Merry Christmas!

Here at the mansion we wish glad tidings and good cheer for everyone this coming New Year.

We're all stirring on this Christmas Day: Chef Machiavelli is busy cooking our goose with razzleberry dressing; Zombos Jr. is busy drowning his Sims--by removing the ladder from their swimming pool--so they can come back as ghosts; and I am busy watching The Twilight Zone's The Night of the Meek one more time, to be followed by The Howling Man. Not sure what Zombos and Zimba are doing, but she probably dragged him caroling along with her and her church group.

Oh, and before I forget, congratulations to Mike Segretto, who has won the first ever Zombos' Closet Christmas Contest. 

A word to the wise to all the children of the twentieth century, whether their concern be pediatrics or geriatrics, whether they crawl on hands and knees and wear diapers or walk with a cane and comb their beards. There's a wondrous magic to Christmas and there's a special power reserved for little people. In short, there's nothing mightier than the meek. And a Merry Christmas, to one and all. (Night of the Meek)

Ditto for the 21st Century, too.

Famous Monsters of Filmland. Again.

The magazine that refuses to die...returns in 2010...under new management...

"I’ve always loved Famous Monsters, and when I discovered an opportunity to reinvent the brand for modern times, I jumped at it,” said Phil Kim, FM’s Senior Manager.  “Knowing the legacy and the great expectations that came with this iconic trademark, I looked long and hard for a suitable company with an impeccable reputation for quality and respect. After a two-year search, I am proud to announce our partnership with IDW.”

It's Alive!

Meet the Horror Bloggers: Dollar Bin Horror

Many fans of horror, amateur and professional alike, have devoted themselves to blogging about the thrills, chills, and no-frills side of the genre as seen in cinema and print. In this ongoing series that highlights the writers behind the blogs, we meet the unique personalities and talents that make the online horror scene so engaging. Up close and personal.

In this installment, Rhonny from Dollar Bin Horror tells us how her dad's cable sports package brought the horror along with it, and the treasure found in the dollar bin.

The first time I watched anything horror was when I was four. My dad got cable for the sports package, but it also came with HBO. I would be up late watching Tales From the Crypt. No one stopped me, so I kept watching. Since then I always liked scary movies, but it didn't become an addiction until I was 14. My dad said he got a new movie and wanted me to watch it with him. At first I thought it was another Denzel Washington movie, but thankfully it wasn’t. It was the first Saw film. After googling some information about it, I was enthralled by the fact that two young film students made it. It changed my whole perspective on horror films and my new life goal was to make them myself.

Time's Top 10 Movies for 2009

Time's top ten movie list for 2009 includes District 9's sci-horror at number nine, and Thirst at number ten.

Thirst melds with the obsessions of its characters and goes orgasmically nuts with them. In this nutsy-greatsy melodrama, the acting revelation is Kim, who evolves from a creature of mute docility to one of desperate ardor, then explosive eroticism, then murderous intent. She is Lady Chatterley and Lady Macbeth in one smoldering package.

Time's Top 10 Movies

In the Mouths of Critics Under the Stairs

There was a time when horror movies were reviewed more often with more than a snicker, a derisive grin, and a wink, and mainstream critics turned their attention to them as much as any other movie.

Before re-imaginings, remakes, and endless sequels--carried on well past their box-office prime--made the horror genre a running sitcom of pop-commercial excess, At the Movies' Gene Siskel, Roger Ebert, and Richard Roeper went head to head, thumbs poised at the ready, with critiques of films by John Carpenter, Wes Craven, George A. Romero and others. They shed more light than blood in their reviews, and not being jaded horror-junkies, their observations and personal impressions, given in 2 to 3 minutes, are entertaining and informative. My favorite reviews are those conducted by Siskel and Ebert.

David Cronenberg

George A. Romero

John Carpenter

Wes Craven

Warren Magazine Cover Art

Unfurl those bat-wings and fly on over to the Warren Magazine Collection to see the fantastic cover art of Creepy, Eerie and Vampirella magazines from Warren Publishing.

I fondly remember reading Vampirella Number One--just before my mother ripped it from my paws and threatened to write Warren Publishing, the Government, and the Secret Service about the nubile and breasty vixen from planet Drakulon and her saucy adventures corrupting my young mind...

The Grudge 2 (2006)

The vengeful ghost in The Grudge 2 is a yūrei--definitely. Telltale signs are the long black hair that hangs disheveled, and the dangling; you know, the twisting, floating--sort of lopsided walk--most J-Horror apparitions do when staring you down, or just before they ring your neck into a pretzel. And those wide-eyed, gray-skinned ghosts definitely haunt a particular place. No, wait a minute. They do tend to leave the house a lot, even in The Grudge, and in this sequel they've hopped all the way over to Chicago. So they are now haunting two places at once. There's nothing about yūrei haunting two places at once. Damn. And what's with that little gray boy that meows like a cat, and the cat that doesn't meow at all?

The Grudge 2 is a bit confusing at first. Director Takashi Shimizu weaves his continuing tale of blind rage and death between three plotlines: three school girls in Japan dumb enough to go into that house; Aubrey Davis (Amber Tamblyn) traveling to Japan to find out why her sister (Sarah Michelle Gellar) is accused of murder and arson; and a romantic relationship in Chicago that escalates into darkness, witnessed by a frightened young boy.

Santa Claws (1996): Don't Watch Out For This One

"How long has he been like this?" I asked.

"For the past half-hour," Glenor Glenda said.

"You should have called me sooner. How could you be so careless!" I felt Zombos' faint pulse.

"He said he wanted to watch something different," Glenor said. "I didn't know."

"How can you not know?" I held up the offending DVD, Santa Claws, from Shock-O-Rama Cinema while admonishing her.

"Paul Hollstenwall said Zombos asked for it specifically—"

"Paul! So he's the one to blame for this. The last time he was here he wasted our time with Neon Maniacs. I can't believe he'd stooped this low. The man is incorrigible; a menace to decent horror fans everywhere."

"I told Paul he shouldn't. I told him he should have gone to you first,"  Glenor said with tears in her eyes. "But Zombos said it didn't matter, that he wanted something new, something totally different to watch. He said he was too old to play it safe anymore. He's been that way ever since his birthday."

"Well, the damage is done. I hope you've learned your lesson," I said, lifting a brandy snifter to Zombos' lips. The color was gone from his cheeks. "At least with Paul Naschy films I have a chance, but this? I'm not sure how to bring him back to sanity." Zombos was grayer than usual and his breathing was short and shallow.

"What was that?" I asked. I leaned closer. Zombos' lips had moved, and a faint whisper caught my ear. "Say again?"

"Nudie-cutie," he managed to whisper. "I just...wanted...to see...nudie-cuties. My god, it was beyond horrible." He took the brandy snifter from me and held it in his trembling hands.

"Nudie cu—" Glenor started to say.

"That will be all, Glenor," I said, interrupting her. "I can take it from here. Thanks!" She left the room. Zombos slowly recovered in-between sips of brandy.

Nudie-cuties, scream queens, bodacious tatas--none of this can save Santa Claws. It is a film not to see alone or sober. It stands as the perfect DVD movie equivalent to bituminous coal: sufficient punishment for any horror fan on your Naughty Horror Fan holiday list. Sleazy synthesized background music, ear-numbing dialog delivered through cereal box acting, and sloppy camerawork all bump and grind together, along with the T and A, in this shoestring-budget film.

Meet the Horror Bloggers: Planet of Terror

Many fans of horror, amateur and professional alike, have devoted themselves to blogging about the thrills, chills, and no-frills side of the genre as seen in cinema and print. In this ongoing series that highlights the writers behind the blogs, we meet the unique personalities and talents that make the online horror scene so engaging. Up close and personal.

In this installment, Cortez the Killer and Complaint Dept. from Planet of Terror tag team all the horror and the personal stats for us.

Cortez the Killer Speaks

I was born in 1978 in San Diego, CA. Aside from a horror geek, I’m a corporate desk jockey, a rabid fan of heavy metal music, love to cook, and I’m not afraid to admit that my first concert ever was Billy Ray Cyrus. In my defense, I had no say in the matter.

Complaint Dept. and I met while working at the same company and became friends after learning of our mutual love of horror films, heavy metal, and over-the-top soft rock songsters (he, Michael McDonald, and I, Phil ‘The Man’ Collins).

My initial exposure to the world of horror started at a young age when my parents would stay up late until after I had gone to bed and turned on the VCR and popped in a flick. My dad has always loved horror and my mom would go along sparingly with his film selections. The memory of them watching Aliens 2 is still ingrained in my mind. After I was put to bed one night, I went out into the hallway and peered out from the corner, catching a side glimpse of the TV in the living room. The opening scene where Ripley wakes up after dreaming about an alien popping out of her belly immediately elicited a scream from me. My parents lead me back to my room and scolded me as this was something clearly not meant for the eyes of children. This feeling of something ‘for my parents eyes only,’ coupled with that initial scare and burst of fright, is what kept me coming back for more. I liked the element of danger and I kind of liked pissing off my parents.

A Very... Zombie Christmas 1

ZC Rating 4 of 7: Very Good (especially with hot chocolate)

While I prefer my Christmas toasty warm and eggnoggy smooth, there is something a tad enjoyable to having a little bit of zombie fear in all that holiday cheer. So put on your Snuggie, take a sip of your hot chocolate, and settle down by the fire with Antarctic Press' A Very...Zombie Christmas one shot.

I would have probably missed this issue if Glen, the owner of my local watering hole for comics, Fourth World, hadn't dropped it on my pull pile. He knows I like horror a bit and is always on the lookout for comics and magazines I might miss.

The three stories drawn in black and white are written with an eye toward leaving the reader with a little lump of coal among the candy in his or her stocking: short and sweet with a tart ending. My favorite is The Littlest Zombie Meets Santa by Fred Perry. In a world overrun by zombies, with survivors barely surviving, it's Christmas Eve and there is more than mice stirring around one particular sanctuary. The stylish illustration and story is like a big gingerbread cookie; cute to admire, but ready to bite. 

In Unholy Night, Joseph Wight makes sure to hang the stockings with care and leaves the children wide awake with dread in their beds after Grandpa Foster tells them his wartime experience with the undead on a snowy night. A two-page battle scene and decrepit zombies trampling the snow provide the visual treat as Wight takes full advantage of the black and white medium to convey the carnage.

The last story, David Hutchison's You Better Watch Out..., shows a heist gone bad using an EC-spiced ending to bring the boys together for the holidays. The inking over his pencils is very light, and his panels open up here and there to give his characters room. Some of his character positions reminded me of Steve Ditko's style, especially on the first page. The last panel is a cheery picture of togetherness that brings home the spirit of the holidays; for horror fans, anyway.

A Very...Zombie Christmas left me wishing it t'were twice the number of pages. These stories are well written and drawn. Now just imagine what you could do with a concept like a festival of zombies: eight days of terror...maybe next year, perhaps. Or how about George Bailey finding himself in zombie-town in It's a Terrible Life. Zombies. The possibilities are endless.

Yahoo! Mail Plus! Gets a Minus

I had one annoying day last week. We all have annoying days now and then. But when it involves a critical service like email not working when you need it to, it tends to stick in your craw, scratch around awhile, and leave a bitter aftertaste; especially when the whole situation is unwarranted and the end result pointless, leaving no one a winner.

Here's what happened. I opened my Yahoo! Mail Plus and tried to send an email to two people. Not a big group, mind you, just two people. But the email didn't go through. Instead, an error message popped up denying me access to send anything because my account was suspected of being a spam-producer, a bottom-feeder exuding commercial excrescence, a lowly marketing sot on the prowl for payola skimmed from Nigerian and UK lottery winners--or worse. No such blatant accusations of guilt, of course, just a hint of suspicion was enough to shut me off; a swift whack on the hand; a gentle but firm kick in the keister for something They thought I did or was trying to do.

The message said to try sending again later. Much later. Like I had the time to wait? I was paying for this Plus service, you know.

Lovecraft For Kids: Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom

ZC Rating 3 of 7: Good (but is it Lovecraft?)

Blasphemy? Heresy? Bruce Brown and Renzo Podesta are treading very thin ice by making the anglophilic cosmic horror of Howard Phillips Lovecraft palatable for kids in the graphic novel Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom. Or perhaps, by their adolescent-themed story based on Lovecraft's Mythos they may instill a fresh appreciation of those eldritch horrors that have become the first base and potent home run in much of horror fiction? Perhaps. But missing in the atmosphere created by their words and illustrations are the Gothic Noir and Rococo stylings--the stiffly starched shirt, rumpled cuffs verbiage Lovecraft is either praised or damned, but always noted for.

Drawing on Lovecraft's own tragic childhood, young Howard, in the company of his mom, pays a visit to Butler Sanitarium to see his raving mad dad. His father comes out of delirium long enough to implore Howard not to read that book, you know, the quintessential one that keeps getting every acolyte, neophyte, and unfortunate slub stepping into Lovecraft-land into terrible trouble. Here, it is his father's hand-written journal, containing the fruits of his occult explorations. Howard's mom, ironically, dumps that book into his little hands that same night for some bedtime reading enjoyment.

Interview With Lee Thomas: On Writing Horror

Author Lee Thomas writes horror, queer horror, slightly bent horror, and more than horror. If you've read his I'm Your Violence short story in Unspeakable Horror: From the Shadows of the Closet, I don't really need to tell you how he writes it. In that story he brought guilt, retribution, pasty gore, and gruesome death from under the pillow, leaving a nasty stain of reflection to think about. You can read more about his writing career, but before you do, I've pulled him into Zombos' Closet for a little chat.

In an interview you said writing has always been a part of your life. Why is that?

I'm not sure of the "why" of it. It probably had something to do with childhood insecurity. I wasn't (and am still not) very comfortable around people, and I didn't express myself well verbally; but if I had the opportunity to write an idea down and tinker with it, I was able to convey my thoughts with some form of clarity. In the third grade I wrote short stories and puppet show scripts. I wrote my first novel when I was sixteen. It was a really bad werewolf novel and the character names kept changing, but a lot of it ended up informing my first published novel, Stained.

Though I've been writing most of my life, I didn't really try to sell my work until about eight years ago, and since then I've seen dozens of my short stories published, along with 10 novels (for adults and young adults) and a handful of non-fiction pieces.

Meet the Horror Bloggers: Zombies Are Magic

Many fans of horror, amateur and professional alike, have devoted themselves to blogging about the thrills, chills, and no-frills side of the genre as seen in cinema and print. In this ongoing series that highlights the writers behind the blogs, we meet the unique personalities and talents that make the online horror scene so engaging. Up close and personal.

In this installment, Jennifer from Zombies Are Magic tells us how how a zombie helped her escape hearing Tevye sing in Fiddler On the Roof, leading to a life-long passion for sleeping with the lights on.

My first “horror” memory is rather embarrassing, but pretty accurately sums up my love/hate relationship with the genre. I was 4, and my Mother had dragged me to the movies to see the re-release of Fiddler on the Roof. While standing in the lobby waiting for her to get popcorn I became captivated by the poster for Dawn of the Dead. It was the classic poster, with the head emerging from the earth and the tagline “When there’s no more room in HELL the dead will walk the EARTH.” The image thrilled and terrified me. As my mother dragged me into the theater tears started streaming down my face; not because I had to watch Fiddler, but because I knew the bad monster from poster was going to come and get me. I remember staring at the floor of the theater, just waiting for that head to pop out. The fit I threw was so epic we were asked to leave before Tevye got to singing “If I were a rich man.” As my poor Mother apologized to the Manager I remember thinking: I want to go back. I want to go see that monster. This was the start of a life-long fascination with Zombies and a good ten years of sleeping with the lights on.

Gifts For Horror Movie Bloggers (And Movie Loving Fans, Too!)

Right off the bat I can tell you the one thing you don't want to get that horror movie blogger on your holiday shopping list: movies. Yes, that's what I said. Movies.

Sure, they seem like they would go together like bread and butter, Starsky and Hutch, and vampires and romance, but let's face it, if a horror blogger is worth his or her salt, movies are already piled high all around within easy viewing reach. The last thing any horror movie blogger needs is another movie to add to the pile!

So how about giving that special someone--otherwise known as always difficult to get gifts for--something really useful: something they will really appreciate and actually use to hone their skills; something that will even benefit their readers: books on movies.

And not just horror movies, mind you, but books on all-around movies. Books to broaden knowledge of the cinema, its history, its craft, and its always present commercial side, which impinges on the history and craft sides, sometimes to wondrous result, many times not.

Here's an essential bookshelf's worth of reading and reference any smart horror movie blogger would appreciate having in his or her critique la arsenal before letting the slinging arrows of outrageous commentary fly: